Fact or Opinion I have been thinking long and hard about my next blog post. We hear so many voices give their opinion on what is happening as our country and world spiral out of control. Could anyone have thought that in just 12 weeks America would look so different? There are so many stories and opinions swirling around. One can barely get on social media without being hit with posts of thoughts and feelings. So instead of writing my opinion, I am going to write about some facts. The fact is:
God is still in control
He is still good
He still cares
He does not seek to destroy life but to give it abundantly
He loves more than we could ever fathom
He is in the midst of whatever we are facing. I could go on and on about the anchor for my soul, but in the midst of America being in such turmoil, something hit my little world... more so for my daughter, Alyssa, and son in law, Levi.
Many of you have followed Levi’s story since his diagnosis 6 years ago of a pituitary tumor. This past year being the worst. He lived with extreme neck pain and loss of vision and underwent emergency surgery to remove the tumor that had grown to the point of surrounding the optic nerve. Emergency surgery was successfully performed on March 11, 2020. Family prayed in the waiting area as we held our breathe wondering if he would be able to see when he awoke from surgery. When we got the news that he indeed could see Alyssa, we were thrilled that God answered our prayer.
Levi
I have always loved that name....Levi. Known in scripture as the third son of Jacob and Leah, the tribe of Levi...set apart as priests who ministered to the children of Israel. He was also the great-grandfather of Aaron and Moses who lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
A strong name.
And as I continue telling about my Levi, you will see that he too is so strong in the Lord.
Time was on our side we prayed...the eyes just need time to heal. But as time went on it seemed that his vision only improved to a point. His right eye never regained sight and his left eye left him blurry.
Finally, 5 days ago he had a post-op with a neuro-ophthalmologist to get an update on his vision. Alyssa sent me a text that sent my emotions reeling.
This was the text:
We just got home from the eye doctor...the news is not what we hoped. His right eye will never recover and he said that the optic nerve seems to be stable and if that's the case, his left eye may not get any better than where it is at currently. He said he's not sure if he will ever be able to drive again. It has been a hard blow but we are choosing to believe that God can still work a miracle in the left eye. He is the great physician and can do the impossible. Alyssa
God, Why? My heart aches for my daughter and son in law. Levi can get around somewhat but even with vision in one eye, it is not clear. He is only 29 years old. Lord, I cried, " Not again!" Will you never answer my prayers for my children? Must they continue to suffer? Lord, “Levi's emergency surgery came on the 1 year anniversary of my son, Rudy's passing. I thought for sure that was You answering my prayer...redeeming that horrible day with a miracle that I didn't get last year!” I continued to cry and beat on God's chest. “Father! Can you not hear me? Can you not do this one thing?” As I tried to process yet another really hard thing, it seemed as if everything I had been blogging about...testifying to God’s Sovereignty so boldly was on shaky ground. I began to wonder if God truly is good. I mean, after a year of grieving the loss of Rudy, I thought I was getting a handle on the whole suffering thing, but now this? It was too much. I hate being "That Mom" who continually grieves for her children. The thought of Levi suffering blindness permanently and having continued pain from the tumor which will grow back again...not to mention the infertility and longing for a child of their own is too much. How much can one young couple bear?
All Hope is Not Lost
But amidst all the turmoil, in our country and my own little world, there is one word that keeps grabbing my attention.
Hope.
And I saw it in Alyssa's text. "not what we hoped."
You see, we hope in something all the time.
Wikipedia defines hope as: an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes.
We hope that things turn out in our favor. We hope to land that dream job. We hope our children will be happy.
Take a day and be mindful of how many times you actually use the word "hope." I think you will be surprised to hear how that little word is in so many of our conversations. Because without hope we would be hopeless and who wants that!
Rejoice in Sufferings
This summer I am doing a 6 week Bible Study on Beth Moore's newest study called "Chasing Vines" In it, her focus is on how the Vinedresser cares for the vine...particularly a grape vine, and as a result, beautiful fruit flourishes. But this great care includes pruning, and even rocks(hard places) in order to get really good fruit. Did you know grapes need rocks in order to grow? I had no idea! I also didn’t know how obsessed Beth is with grapes!
Anyway, our study last week landed exactly where my heart needed the encouragement.
Here is just one statement that stood out to me: "Easy conditions lead to bad or little fruit. But make life a little difficult for the vine, and it starts to worry about its survival-and produces fruit to make sure it will live on." Beth Moore
Ponder that for a moment. Make life a little difficult for the vine.
Isn't it in that difficult thing when we think we might fall, that we cling so desperately...with all our might to Jesus? Isn’t it there that our faith increases and we become deeply, deeply rooted in Him, producing fruit that is good and becomes sweet to those who see it?
Yes! It's where bitterness could easily choke out our very being that sweetness flows over the hard places and hope bursts forth and joy once again envelops our very being.
Sweet Testimony
And you know what? Levi has such a sweet testimony. He is the one with vision loss, but he is so positive and so trusting of our Lord. He would share with you in a second the reason for his hope. Alyssa posted this yesterday along with this picture:
Rejoice in Suffering
It's those words, coming from a very broken place, a place where Levi does not know if he will ever regain his sight, that his words are sweet to the ear and encouraging to the soul.
God, who has allowed this very hard thing, right there beside my precious boy...and Levi, allowing God to have His way in what God hasn't allowed...yet! Because we know that with man it is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible!
Levi's hope is not in a diagnosis, but in a God who doeth all things well...even in this.
In session 2 in my Bible Study book, these verses are found:
We rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:2-5 My friend, please know that through whatever you may be facing right now, He is above it all. He loves you and wants to be your hope. If you are a Christian, cling to that hope and let God work out your faith in whatever hard place He has you.
If you don't know this hope that only comes from Him, I would love to tell you about this great God and His love for you and me. His name is Jesus and He died on the cross for you to take away your sins. All you have to do is come to Him, pray and receive Him. Ask Him to come into your heart and be Lord of your life, and forgive you of your sin. Thank Him for loving you and washing your sins away. He will do it friend, He will. And you too, can know the hope that Levi, Alyssa, and myself find peace and comfort. We are not immune to suffering, sorrow, and sadness, but with God we have this blessed hope and a peace through it all.
But as for me, I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure, I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord. Psalms 71:14
Bitter Sweet....Absolutely!
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