I’ve had a lot going on the past 6 months with big changes and…well…I just stopped writing. It seemed easier to go through the motions of change without pondering too much. You know…just cruise on autopilot.
One of those changes was selling the house we raised our kids in. I had no idea the attachment I had to that old house, but after living there for 17 years it became so much more than a house, it was our home. It was where we made sweet memories and grew closer together as we faced hardships that rocked our world.
There I left precious neighbors that I adore, knowing I wouldn’t see them as often. So many things…and so it was quite emotional to say the least. But…hey…I chose to not ponder too long on all the thoughts swirling around as it was easier to get through the move and say goodbye that way.
Even as I write this, I think of Rudy’s room. It became my writing space where I could freely express my thoughts and feel oh so close to him. It’s been almost 3 years now since God called him home and I really miss him. His room brought me comfort as memories played out in my mind as if he were right there with me. I could here his laughter fill the space and I smiled at the thought.
Then this Fall, my sweet father in law’s dementia worsened and he lost his independence when he became unable to drive. Such a sad thing to watch and it broke my heart.
As if that wasn’t hard enough, the hardest thing of all was…my dad, who I love so deeply, passed away. This picture was taken on our last road trip together just a few weeks before. We had no idea that it would be our last. It was a traumatic week as my dad slowly slipped from us and so I continued on auto pilot not wanting to feel the impact too much.
In a span of 12 weeks this happened and all while we were planning a wedding
And so I found myself trying to restore my joy or perhaps I wasn’t trying.
Time continued on and December was only a few days away. The month of November had brought such joy and sorrow with a wedding and a funeral. Doesn’t seem right that they should co-exist like that, but they did.
But December! Christmas and our 34th Wedding Anniversary would be here soon! Twinkling lights and gifts galore!! But somehow turning off my emotions for so long seemed to be making a permanent mark on my heart.
I realized I better get a grip here! I actually began to scare myself! And then…just like that…just 3 days short of December 1st, after coming home from my dad’s funeral, Covid hit our household.
Terrible timing! Or was it? Perhaps God knew I needed some time to tell my heart to beat again.
Can you think of a time God did that for you?
Every morning during Covid, I would wake up hoping I was better, but would soon realize…nope…I better lay back down! Day after day I felt this way for about 10 days! It was no fun at all as I’m sure many of you know!
And then…
When I finally started feeling better I decided to pick up my Bible and read. If you’ve followed me in the past you may remember that I set a yearly goal to read through the Bible in a year(I follow Biblediscoverytv.com) and I found myself in the last month of the year with a lot of catching up to do. I opened my Bible to where I left off and realized I was only 3 books into the New Testament and I needed to get to Revelations in 3 weeks!
I read and read and read in one sitting determined to get closer to the end of the Bible. After doing this for a few days, you know what I found in the process? I found myself waking up inside. It was as if all of a sudden I could breathe deeply and restore my emotions as I broke the paralyzing feelings I was letting grip me.
Friends, the Word of God is living and active and stronger than any two edged sword. What I experienced those morning as I read chunks of scripture, is that it awakened me in my inner being as I renewed my mind in Him.
My joy was restored!
Psalms 51:12 says,
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and renew a right spirit within me.
And here I am blogging again and wanting to encourage you my dear friend! Even when we let things build up and we start falling away from the foundation we have built our life upon. When we feel we are slipping away, turn to the Word of God. His power will restore the joy of your salvation and your heart will beat again!
I’ll leave you with this song that I love! It’s sung by one of my favorite groups, Phillips, Craig, and Dean. Let it fill your mind and heart with the goodness of God and tell your heart to beat again.
Till next time friends😊
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