Have you ever had an event in your life that traumatized you? It being such an impactful event that altered your life from that moment on? It begins to reshape how you see yourself...how you view others...how you picture the future. It’s memory pops up at the most random time. Bam...there it is...blocking everything else...it compels you to look straight into its ugliness...casting a shadow on all the good that you once enjoyed. It just doesn’t let the light shine on the good things. You can’t seem to get passed the darkness. So you let that one thing define you...that one thing.
I don’t think any of us really let others know to what degree we bear these traumatic events. We brush them aside and go on with life, hoping that we can press them down and pray they don’t pop up for everyone to see like a Jack in the Box! So, as I continue the post from last week, I want to share how my eyes were opened at the women’s conference to how very vast this is in the lives of others, especially women.
We piled in the sanctuary, excited about the weekend to come. We came in full of laughter...we worshiped God with our praises, and then the vibe in the air quickly changed when we were asked to participate in an activity that compelled us to be honest with ourselves.
At some point in my life....
Each lady was seated and given a piece of paper. The top read: At some point in my life...then a check list of statements(see picture below). We were asked to read and reflect on each one. We were further instructed to check the ones that described us. We then passed our paper to the person next to us and so on until the papers were all mixed up among the ladies. As each statement was read aloud, we were directed to stand if the box was checked beside the particular statement. :The reading began: I have suffered from depression or anxiety. Surprisingly, almost every woman in the sanctuary stood. That meant that merely every woman in the sanctuary had checked it. I was stunned. I honestly had no idea. The next statement read: I have battled with fear...many women stood. The statements continued to be read....woman continued to stand. Then the next statement: I have been sexually or physically abused. Can I tell you that when I saw over half the women stand, I just lost it. How in the world can such a horrific thing happen to so many women? Again, I was stunned. The list continued to be read...It went on and on: I have had an abortion. I have had suicidal thoughts. Again, half the ladies stood...so many ladies stood.
Needless to say, a shock sort of wave pounded over the stillness that now filled the silence in the sanctuary. Where do we go from here? We were desperately ready to hear a word...an encouraging word that would heal our broken hearts. This was when Lysa TerKeurst got up to speak. I have already shared how she reminded us that when we pray we need to remember that God indeed has a plan, He has good in mind, He is faithful, and His ways are higher than ours. She challenged us to keep our eyes on Jesus...for God is stirring good up in us even through the suffering...through the brokenness. We will then rise up and will be a sweet offering to the Lord.
So as my thoughts again shifted, I looked at the list again, I came to the conclusion that some of the really, really hard ones set deep roots in our lives that provide the perfect soil for the growth of so many of the other ones. Pretty soon, we are so tangled up that we let this one thing define us. It consumes our thoughts and actions. Does the impression last a lifetime? Does it leave a nasty scar? Absolutely, it does. We let is set something in motion that allows it to RE-define us. We begin to doubt the very existence of God...the God we once trusted to meet all our needs. We begin to doubt the very goodness that God has breathed into us.
New Perspective
The opposite of that, then, is to let God use the brokenness that He has allowed to take place not to RE-define, but rather, like silver...Re-fine. Then we will shine with precious peace and joy will overflow through to the heart of others that are in such need of hope. For I truly believe that it is in the serving of others that healing begins. It releases something in us...”good” I will call it...as we pour into another person. We share scripture and pray together and the hurt seems to soften as God comes in the midst.... tears begin to flow....and restoration creates a new root which will grow and cultivate a new perspective bringing light to the places where the shadows once cast such darkness.
Let’s remember though that we all have different personalities and react differently to the same situation. As sisters in Christ lets love and be understanding of those who feel hopeless...who don’t see any way of making it through. Let’t be careful not judge their actions and write them off. That action may stem from a deeply wounded thing...instead, love as Christ loves. For again, it is in the act of love that others heal.
But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5 You may be thinking of some people who have come alongside and helped you through dark times. They hold a special place in your heart. I, too have some beautiful friends. We have always sought to love and encourage one another. They are my homeschool buddies and helped me raise my kids...if you have ever homeschooled, you know what I mean...they are the other Mama’s that love and encourage us and our kids and that encouragement is something you need...on a daily basis..ha! So when Rudy passed away, they were there...and it has been such a blessing. I cannot begin to thank them for coming into the most traumatic event of my life. My precious friends!
My Encouragers
They are still by my side as the brokenness is still there... for as I have expressed before, I still cry uncontrollably when I sit on my son’s bed knowing that he will never lay his head on the pillow...the pillow that bears his scent. I cry when I see his gray tennis shoes sitting by his bed, ready to be used...but they will not be. I have serious hard days when I can’t see past the hurt of losing this child that I can’t see my other beautiful children. I forget to pour my love into them and focus on their needs. Sometimes I think I am just not working through the grieving process. I push against the thought of “going there” in my mind...remembering...remembering. But oh how my family loves me so well. There is so much grace for me with them.
I want to be YOUR encourager today and as I wrap up, I’ll leave you with this thought:
When darkness falls and bitterness grows
My heart oh God is restless
BUT when I endure
With eyes on you
My soul finds rest again Let’s help each other turn our eyes upon Jesus again. Let’s be the hands and feet that not only pray but love with our actions of kindness.
I wish I could sit and have coffee with you...and we could encourage, pray, and read scripture together. But you can comment either on this blog or privately send me an email and I will pray for you specifically. I would also love to hear how God has used your broken places for His glory....because after all, its not about me or you...its about the most High God. For He alone is worthy! And we again can trust His character:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are. Your ways my ways, “ declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55: 8-9 Next week I will be sharing my most traumatic event in Part III of this series.
Bitter Sweet...absolutely
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