The Voice of the Lord

The one-year anniversary of Rudy’s passing is quickly approaching. Today is February 18th, my beautiful sister’s birthday. It is also a date forever etched in my mind because it was on this day last year that Rudy took me to dinner.

We had a falling out the night before and he had texted me while I was at work, asking me to dinner. We spent about 3 hours in a Mexican Restaurant talking later that evening.

If Only I Could Hear His Voice

I have tried so hard to remember his words...even more...his voice. If I could only hear his voice...not on a video clip, but His voice...face to face. The voice of someone is so distinct to them isn't it? It's how you recognize them and know there thoughts and emotions. As I sat remembering our special night one year ago today, I opened my Bible and study book for Bible Study. The passage I was to read was Psalms 29. I was taken aback at how often this passage said, "the voice of the Lord". Had I not just been trying hard to hear Rudy's voice? I continued reading...the voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic; the voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightening...and in His temple all cry, "Glory!" All cry glory! What a beautiful picture I had of the Lord God Almighty...the creator of heaven and earth. God, so majestic, so mighty, the one true God. It was the voice of the Lord once again going before me, preparing me for the days to come. I don't want to relive the tragic events that lead up to the day of Rudy's passing. I don't want the pain to overtake me...I don't want to go there...with all my being...I don't want to go there. But God! In His still, small voice spoke into the deepest place of my heart as the chapter ended with verse 10 & 11:

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord is enthroned as King forever. The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. Psalms 29: 10 & 11 I cried as I read these verses. His voice...gently whispering to me that He is with me even still...even in this.

Knowing What to Say

I would love for you to read and meditate on Psalms 29 and let God's voice speak to you as you try hard to survive in your hard place. Maybe you are not in a hard place right now, but your friend is. Maybe you don't quite know what to say. I understand. Even being "that Mom" who grieves the loss of a child, I still struggle to find words to say to others who are grieving because I know we all grieve so differently. Recently, I had a sweet lady, whom I rarely see, come up beside me. She hugged me ever so sweetly, winked at me and said just a few sentences...what I remember was, "You know I am praying for you." And I knew her heart as she simply shared that she cared. We were celebrating her granddaughters engagement. There were balloons all around. Excitement in the air. But she took a tiny little second to speak comfort into my heart. Sweet friends, I am praying that we all learn to hear His voice and in turn, be a voice that encourages and cares for others.

Precious Words

And so as I begin a season of reliving and remembering, I take hold of every precious word...The words that God just spoke into my hurting heart and the words of my precious Rudy as we ended our night, February 18, 2019. My precious Rudy said to me that night, "love you Ma." Oh how I will forever treasure those words...some of his last words to me.  He spoke other things into my life that evening. Words that would help me heal. Maybe I'll share those next time because I think its worth sharing. Because you see,  after Rudy's passing, I was able to hear the voice of the Lord through the remembrance of them. So I can surely say with my words...Bitter Sweet...absolutely.